My American History professor is a tad passionate.
Our first day of class she went off on a ten minute tangent (time she should have spent discussing the syllabus) discussing the better part of the life of Robert E. Lee. She spoke of this man as if they had attended high school together. Most of this civil tirade was spent debunking the belief that he was a "romantic."
I was hoping this kind of behavior would continue.
I was not disappointed...
"The pirates of the 1500's were real bad apples. I mean zero morals. If they caught you, they would probably kill you. You know, on a boat with a bunch of dudes for months at a time; you come up with pretty interesting ways to kill each other."
"Now, the native Americans weren't stupid. They knew the kind of deals they were getting from the Europeans and they knew about war. By native Americans I of course mean the American Indians. The Incas and the Maya weren't so smart. I mean, who let's a couple hundred Spaniards with lousy firepower roll over an entire empire. Can you believe the Inca chief actually tried to ransom his own life to the Spanish? 'So we came for the gold, and you're giving us the gold, but you don't want to die?' Naturally, they killed him."
Here are some of my notes, inspired by her wild delivery:
The Spanish are fucking it up for everybody!
The pirates are fucking it up for everybody!
Pirates = colonial pimps (eyeliner and shit)
The Spanish demand the death of English pirate Drake. Queen Elizabeth knights him.
"Fuck the Spanish."
Roanoake is abandoned. Years later, President Jefferson is on the case!
(He didn't find anything)
What natives want: Whiskey, weapons, EXOTIC WOMEN!