"Take Courage! It Is I."

And the night whispered, "I'm coming for you."

Infinite Foods

Foods I can eat an infinite amount of:

1.) Drunk Pizza

2.) Goldfish

3.) Beef Jerky

4.) Wheat Thins

5.) Carrot Sticks

6.) Grapes

7.) Saltines with Ginger Ale

8.) Skittles

9.) Ziti with red sauce

10.) Jedi

The above list comprises ten foods that, if put in front of me, I will devour until they are gone as if willpower was the Dutch word for "transducer" and thus never came up in conversation in Dutch, which is a language I don't even speak. It is shameful to admit these things, even more so that this list came so quickly to me. I think I'm going to start recording my disgraceful lapses in willpower here. BECAUSE WHAT IS A BLOG IF NOT A REPLACEMENT VESSEL FOR LAPSED CATHOLICS? I promise tomorrow will be funny. I mean, I promise I will try. As long as there aren't any of these foods around to stop me.

Number Wine

I've decided that there are several kinds of "that guy" I want to be when I'm older. For one, I want to know how to change a tire. I like knowing that I know how to do this. I do not particularly like doing it, but I like knowing that I have done it in the past, and that I could do it again.

I also want to be the kind of "that guy" who just gives a case of wine to the establishment that helps him as a holiday gift. There is a "that guy" at my work, and without a note or any other kind of bullshit, a case of wine shows up and we are told to take a bottle home with us, happy holidays and courtesy of "that guy". Its just the kind of casual thoughtlessness to dropping a crate of booze on the under-appreciated that makes the gift so thoughtful. I envision a utopian future where I am dropping cases of wine like NATO food rations on the local deli, barbershop, and dry cleaner. There will be no need for cards or kind words. Just "hey, I brought this, and I brought more than enough for all of you, and take some, thanks, I've got other stops to make."

I also want to learn how to drive stick. I'm pretty sure you're not a man until you can at least drive a manual transmission car out of harm's way.

Upon the Midnight Clear

Oh, look!
A Christmas tree!
What wonderful spectacle this yule tradition provides!
Surely there is no way to sully the innocence-
To blunt the sharp sincerity of the green harbinger of His arrival!







Look again.

Road to Perdition