I will be managing the pool tomorrow. I will be in charge. The keys to the castle are mine. Is your body ready?
Mine is.
Chlorine levels, PH levels, nipple density, etc.; these are my responsibility now and mine alone. My loyal subjects, a collection of teenage whistle-twisters, will serve me and defend the sanctity of my rule. Has the metaphor dragged on too long?
TOO BAD.
I'll start by having my head guards craft a crown befitting my royal inheritance. I'm thinking a pool tube encrusted with dead wasps. For a throne, I will have them stack both guard stands on top of one another so my gaze over this glorious land will be unimpeded by drowning children and furious patrons. Scared?
You will be. You will be.
...
It's probably going to rain all day tomorrow, and we will probably close early. But a short reign is better than none at all, right? At least I'm moving up in the world, right?
/be lifeguard
//become manager
One day; I have one day to soak in the power before it is wrenched back. It's all a tease, but it's my tease. I'm sure it's been posted before, but what the hell.
If I were God, the Baboon would have made me throw away my box of latex gloves. "Triumph" I would have said in my booming baritone voice. "Utter triumph."
Whimsical, ferocious, rapacious love-making machines, worshiped by society after society after society after society, the elegant Papio is unrivaled in the animal kingdom, with a consummate balance of subtlety and poise, and multiple transferable parasites. For millennia they have triumphed against the swelling tide of mankind's destruction, always partaking in unbridled frenzies in the organic-matter treasure troves we call trash bins. Females especially, whose heart-shaped bottoms so poetically convey their disposition, are the last remaining beacons of love in the wild. It is this ruby tukus that sets the standard for all inflammations of the rear, from this to this and of course this.
Socially, Earth offers no greater model. Baboons fancy themselves sexual connoisseurs, accomplished goat-herders, and skilled craftsmen. While most of their societies offer limited accommodation, their harems are open 24/7-- for good cause. Like the School of Athens, the Baboon-Harem is a unique triumvirate of philosophy, math, and orgiastic howling. It is precisely because of this cultural elegance that the Baboon remains the most difficult monkey to harness for labor.
For instance, no baboon has ever been launched into space. Their anatomical make-up and sexual prowess makes them incompetent navigators. Gordo the Space Monkey, a South American Squirrel/Monkey, pitiful in most respects, was selected instead. On a side note: he along with his $19 billion space craft were lost somewhere in the abyss.
This is it, ladies and gentlemen...not with a bang, but with a whimpering arrhythmia descending into a slow and painful loss of circulation. Tunnel vision, thick spittle, curtains.
I'm going to leave you this evening with another Exploitable, and I hope it offers enough chuckles to last into tomorrow...Lord knows I need the time to scrounge for material. And if it's good enough, I might just get to live the dream:
Chipotle Mexican Grill, better known as Chipotle, makes me happy. As a fast food joint, it's nearly perfect (clean, tasty, affordable, socially conscious). As a business enterprise, its genius. They're successful in following through with their motto, Food With Integrity, and integrating it into ever facet of their marketing strategy. Additionally, they are one of the few businesses that still thrives off an assembly line workforce. I love having my lunch prepared by people whose daily motions epitomize their working class status. And, God-willing, they're probably not unionized.
My Chipotle is on the corner of 7th ave and 26th street. It has a badass graffito on it's plywood southern wall outside. It has an icy cold interior--the optimal kitchen working condition. It serves beer, which is the only justification I have left for drinking during work hours. And most importantly, it has the exact same inner workings as every single other Chipotle.
Except one (maybe).
My favorite part of Chipotle is the fixins stage. Four kinds of salsas, etc, no limits. It's lovely, but its also where the most amount of human error occurs (the mitigation of which is arguably the the hardest part about the franchise model). Some restaurants can spin this inevitability as "home-made", but not fast food chains. So how does one shave down the potentially hazardous chin of this highly entropic stage of the burrito making process?
At my Chipotle, they have this strategy of hiring elderly mexican (I use the term in the most ethnically ignorant sense) women --perhaps the most underrated workforce in America today, specifically for the fixings stage. These women bring decades of culinary experience to their single task of drizzling my burrito with sour cream...
..., applying the perfect scoop of salsa (a thorough understanding of each salsa's mass to spicy ratio is a necessary imperative here), and the sacred sprinkling of the queso.
Though it's technically "unskilled" labor, it takes a shit-ton of practice to fully appreciate the intricacies of a perfect burrito. At my Chipotle, they kill it -- it's a skill that tells me one thing: they gots some authentic viejas.
This shit is hilarious. The trainer is some loud-mouthed psycho who berates his companions constantly, making them laugh and screw up their exercises. He barely does anything himself.
The routine is based around muscle confusion, which is a fancy way of saying "do different stuff." Actually, I love it. There's nothing really special about the whole package, but the intensity and mock-motivation from the pack leader makes it hard to stop.
"Water break, BUT DON'T FUCKING SIT DOWN JESUS CHRIST."
More, please.
Man, if only they started you out with pull-ups that no out-of-shape person can do...
Oh wait!
If only they had the same terrible grunge riff playing on repeat for an hour...
What's that!?
If only my complete lack of a career or social life could guarantee me commitment...
If you want to buy a new piece of jewelry and you also want to enjoy the look of sterling silver than you can find a large number of jewelries. These jewelries have become so much famous these days. As everybody knows that price of gold is rising very rapidly, it migrating peoples from buying gold jewelry to some other jewelry. A person can find many types of jewelries in this metal such as sterling silver rings, sterling silver necklaces, sterling silver earrings and sterling silver bracelets. There rings are famous for wearing, buying and gifting as it keeps a great beauty, its looks, and it does not require special care.
You can easily find jewelers who can polish your jewelry to improve its shine, and it can continue is beauty for long time. It does not require too much work to keep its shine and beauty, and also it does not require too much expense for its maintenance. You can wear sterling silver jewelry with any type of outfit and on any type of occasion. A person can also wear sterling silver jewelry with other types of jewelries. These types of jewelries are easily available in stores and shops and a person can also find these jewelries on online stores also. On online stores, you have a large number of choices, and you can also customize the jewelry in your ways. Even you can get a lot of great deals about it. There are so many stores on Internet from where you can buy this type of jewelry. Sterling silver jewelry is made with other stones and gems, which looks great together. This can create a different look which you can enjoy while wearing with other jewelry. A person can design his or her jewelry in many different ways so that he or she can combine it with other jewelries to create an attractive combination. As these jewelries are not too expensive, you can buy these jewelries matching with your different outfits and when you wear different outfits you can wear matching jewelry, which can enhance your looks. If a person wants to wear a comfortable jewelry, than he or she can prefer to wear sterling silver jewelry.
But let me get to the point: Sunshine. A delicious little Science-Fiction film which shows us mankind's attempt to restart our dying sun. Shrug off those petty scientific inaccuracies and join me on an adventure into the surreal!
I was privileged to see this film during it's theatrical run with Canadian Tuxedo, a fellow fan of similar movies. With only one exception (The Fountain), I have never seen a more horrific and emotionally torturous crafting of a first-person perspective of space and the bodies that reside inside it.
(lolSolaris is old)
I remember dreaming that night of walking barefoot on the surface of our sun. Gripping shit, bro.
Sure, stuff like surviving a short trip in the vacuum of space, bombs fueling a solar entity, or our sun dying anytime during the short lifespan of human history was silly, but not deafening. You truck through that shit, because John Murphy is a genius.
"WHAT DO YOU SEE, KANEDA!"
Bright lights, you retard.
Seriously, though; just finished a repeat viewing and the flick holds up. Y'all should check it out, even if only to get a beautiful eyeful of the best star ever up close and personal.
Catalonia's recent legislative decision to ban bull-fighting isn't really a big deal in a lot of ways. We are pretty burdened by "more important" news, but it's always interesting when governments ban cultural practices, especially peculiar ones. And while not unique to Spain, Bull-Fighting is still a peculiar custom.
I don't know anything about bull fighting, but it seems like one of the few artistic expressions of human power left. I stress human because, at its core, a bull-fight is a display of our species dominance over the natural world. It's an ancient custom, and its evolution has continued to the present day, mirroring the evolution culture of mankind exquisitely.
But I'm not going to go into the details. If you want them, go read Hemingway.
My beef (I looooove bovine-puns) with this is that, while fascinating to note that it may be Catalan's subconscious desire to further its cultural schism from "Spain" as a nation (it's already fairly autonomous in terms of governance), it appears that the main reason why the ban took effect was the animal rights cause.
Cue diatribe.
Animals don't have rights. People who think the contrary are just misanthropic. The right to anything is a completely human concept, the foundation of which lies in our attempts at maintaining some kind of functioning society. For centuries, some people were granted rights, while others were arbitrarily denied. Only recently do we see an attempt to live harmoniously and give everyone equal rights. It's a bold code, and it certainly doesn't apply to the animal kingdom.
No species participate in a social order with another species. Individual animals certainly do, but we as individuals essentially consider them nominal members of our own species. Now, within their species, you don't see any kind of establishment of "rights". Usually there's a dominant member of a closely knit society, and the rest try to eek out a minor existence until they bone someone successfully enough to spawn something. Otherwise, its some kind of fascist colony (and we all know how that turns out....great!). And besides that, solitary. That's about it.
Humans are granted rights because we manage to exist in a society where we balance being relatively efficient/happy, and not really wanting to rise up against our governments...as long as we're given some kind of "freedom". It's a give and take. Humans abide by a certain order of laws, and within the confines of those laws, they have certain rights. If they break those laws, those rights are stripped.
Animals do not participate in this give and take with people. Either they give completely (domesticated animals) or they take (read: kill us) completely (wild animals). (Some animals take us completely, but that's just gross). We obviously prefer our domesticated animals, but we never assumed they have rights. They're our slaves. We breed them for their milk, flesh, and speed.
Now it's true: we rarely kill these slaves for entertainment, and yes, bulls are domesticated and destroyed for our entertainment. But is that so wrong? Does that make us barbaric? Well, yes, but who cares? I'd much rather be considered barbaric than whatever you consider most of the underhanded white-collar pseudo-criminals that are destroying the fabric of society today. Banning these little semblances of our "barbaric" past is merely misdirected guilt over how fucking disgusting we as a culture have become.
So for all you who feel bad that humans have ravaged the natural world, enslaved a bunch of hapless animals, and are bound to destroy the atmosphere and most things on the planet, just remember: Bruce Willis is here to help...but he's only one man.
Haven't been sleeping so great lately. Long days, hard nights, etc.
But I managed to catch a nap this afternoon. Check it:
Colonial America.
I am an assassin, a top class killer of the time. I have been hired to assault an well-guarded estate in the middle of nowhere. A dozen armed men or more stand watch in the black forest, unaware that I have been tasked with their deaths, and the death of the man they are paid handsomely to defend;
With my custom silenced musket, I approach the manor with violent efficiency. My weapon sends four men to Charon. Reloading is a bitch, but I am infatuated with the gift of her quiet accuracy. Then suddenly...
AMBUSH!
The night and tall cedar provide good cover, but any movements continue to break my stealth. Eight men, at least, are on my trail, but there's no truth in this aching shadow-world. Every attempt I make to clear another soul for the afterlife sends the dream wheeling, and the blasts from my beloved rifle seem to grow in volume and shake me into consciousness. Soon it becomes difficult to establish the real threats from the imagined. Who am I? It doesn't matter. Washington must die.
I abandon my retreat, steeled and settling my metaphysical debts as I rush the only lit window I can see. Crashing through would normally be a rookie move, but my options ran out a mile back and I've got killing on the mind. There is a dazed pass from the boredom of reality and back into this perfect fantasy assault, but George is there, rising from his desk; pen in one hand, loaded pistol in the other. No time!
I unsheathe my knife and lunge, feel the sting of a masterful shot through the heart, but connect the point of my shimmering desire with man-flesh.
/groan
//grin
///success
"Whofleck! You're going to be late for work at the pool!"
EVERYONE THE TIME HAS COME. AT 12 AM MIDNIGHT I WILL BE HITTING THE AGE OF 21 AND GOING FUKKIN BONKKERS. FOR THOSE THAT KNOW ME I WAS IN KNOW RUSH TO HIT THE NIGHT SCENE BECAUSE I WAS AT THE AGE OF 20 . WELL, TONIGHT IS THE NIGHT YOU ALL WITNESS ME COMING OUT OF MY YOUNG DUDE-ER SHELL AND LIVING IT UP SKY HEIGH . I WILL BE COUNTING DOWN THE HOURS FOR THE DAY. IF YOUR IN PHILADELPHIA I WILL BE AT SUPERDOPE. COME AND ENJOY THE NIGHT AND BRING IN MY BIRTHDAY WITH ME. SHITS GOING TO BE WILD!
IF YOU WERE ONE OUT OF THE MANY FEW CHILDREN THAT PLAYED WITH SCISSORS AND CARDBOARD BOXES THAN FREEZE TAG YOU WERE NOT ALONE. KYLE BEAN FROM THE UNITED KINGDOM HAS MADE MOST OF HIS ART FORM FROM HAND CRAFTING AND IS MAKING HISTORY OFF OF THAT VERY SAME CONCEPT. GRADUATING FROM THE UNIVERSITY OF BRIGHTON IN 2009 AND ALREADY TAKEN THE WORLD BY STORM WITH HIS CREATIVITY IS KYLE BEAN.
AN INDIVIDUAL THAT CAN INDULGE TOOLS AS SCISSORS AND CARDBOARD BOX AND COME WITH ART PIECES THAT INSPIRE PEOPLE CAN HAVE MY TWO THUMBS UP HIGH . KYLE BEAN HAS A VARIETY OF PROJECTS WITH BIG NAME CLIENTS ALREADY INVOLVING VIRAL ANIMATION FOR "BBC", EDITORIAL ILLUSTRATOR FOR "NEW YORK TIMES MAGAZINE", "LIBERTY" , "HERMES" AND HIS LATEST PROJECT "SELFRIDGES". AT THE AGE OF 23 KYLE IS MAKING HIS WAY UP THE LADDER TO BECOMING ONE OF THE MOST LOOKED UP TOO ARTIST IN THE WORLD, IN MY OPINION.
TODAY WHAT I AM OFFERING YOU GUYS ARE SOME LOOKS FROM KYLE BEAN'S LATEST PROJECT SELFRIDGES. SELFRIDGES IS AN ART SHOW DISPLAYED IN LONDON'S FASHION DEPARTMENT STORE SELFRIDGES. THE REASON FOR HIM PICKING THE NAME WAS HIS UNDERSTANDING AND HIS ONLY. BEFORE YOU START TO HUMOR KNOW THAT KYLE'S THEME BEHIND THIS ART PROJECT WAS "MATTER CANNOT BE CREATED OR DESTROYED, ONLY TRANSFORMED". WHEN I FIRST LAYED MY TWO EYES ON HOW HE MANAGED TO CUT CARDBOARD AND MAKE CHAIRS OUT NOTHING ELSE I WAS COMPLETELY CONFUSED BUT ENTERTAINED.
SECONDLY WHEN I SEEN A HUNDRED METAL PIECES HUNG FROM WIRES I WAS LEFT IN BLANK. THAT'S NOT ALL FOLKS, THERE IS PLENTY MORE. BEFORE I SPILL THE BEANS OF ALL OF THE ART CRAFTING FROM KYLE'S SELFRIDGES I WANT YOU GUYS TO WITNESS IT ON ON YOUR OWN. THERE ARE FIVE DISTINCT OBJECTS TAKEN APART AND REINSTALLED.
INCLUDING HIS MOTORBIKE STRIPPED FROM EVERY LITTLE SCREW TO GEAR AND BOLTS, A WEDDING CAKE MADE AND HUNG FROM IT'S COMPONENTS, ALUMINUM CANS THAT ARE NICELY FRESH BUT THEN DOOMED INTO A BLOCK OF METAL, VINTAGE FAIRYTAIL BOOKS CREATED TO A 3 FOOT CASTLE OUT OF OLD PAGES, AND LAST A CARDBOARD BOX MADE INTO A CHAIR OUT OF IT'S COUNTERWEIGHT. IF I WAS A LONDON BLOKE I WOULD BE SURE TO MAKE MY WAY TOWARDS SELFFRIDGES FASHION DEPARTMENT STORE.
KYLE BEAN HAS OFFERD THE WORLD SO MUCH FOR HIS AGE. I AM HIGHLY IN THE LIKES OF HIS ART CRAFT, KEEP A LOOK OUT FOR HIS WORK. LEGENDS BEGIN EARLY IN THERE GAME. WE ARE IN THE YEARS OF A CREATIVE MIND ATTACKING IT'S CRAFT. KYLE BEAN.
TO YOU VIEW MORE DETAILED PHOTOS FROM KYLE'S SELFRIDGES CLICK "READ MORE'.
I DON'T KNOW IF MANY KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT MARVEL AND IT'S COMICS BUT JUST TO LET YOU KNOW I "GO IN". THIS IS THE SECOND BLANKET OF SPIDER-MAN, SHITS DOPE. LAME PEOPLE THE CHICKS DIG THE FUCK OUT OF THE COMIC COMFORTS TO LET YOU KNOW. I DON'T GET WHY SOMEONE WANTS TO SLEEP IN PLAIN PATTEREN BLANKETS. I KEEPS IT REAL WITH MY CHILDHOOD. WITH THE HELP OF COMIC BLANKETS I FEEL LIKE MY DREAMS ARE MUCH MORE CLOSER TO ME FLYING AND HAVING SPECIAL POWERS.
Continuing a train of thought is impossible One thing my father always told me was I should always research and rehearse a good joke before I go out anywhere. Time it for the awkward silences, was one of his pointers. Everyone hates awkward silences, and they love people who interrupt them with jokes. And incorporate funny accents if possible. Accents make people sound stupid, and stupidity gets laughs.
And I would plead: Dad, father. People like when you make jokes. Not when you tell them.
-Son, what you just said just proves just how incomprehensible my brilliance must seem to you. Let's practice.
-I won't.
-Your mother will be most unimpressed.
-With whom?
-Pedantic little--
/slaps of retribution //mutual flinching and flailing ///calm relapse
-Now.....go. /sighs - Why did the condom fly across the room? - Whyyyyy? - Because it got pissed off. /silently critiques -Better. This time draw out the becaaauuuuse. And make sure to look at everyone's set of eyes at least once. It's the sign of a good entertainer. Annnnnnd....Go!
Set your hands in prayer and savor my divinity; a 5,000 year old elemental has earned your humble servitude.
'In exchange for what?' you ask? What a bold boy you are. How does continued existence favor?
Good. But my pity for you has soured these last few seasons...rise. Partake of my flesh and be engulfed by the ghostly image I offer you. That crackling sensation is merely the sound of a couple millenniums waking deep inside. A wave of charred souls will wash your lungs of those childish questions and smear the fear from your stupid face.
Inhale. Yes.
Do you smell the civilizations, ancient and abandoned, preserved in the promise of my glory? Yes, just like Christmas. But this is no baptism by fire. My embers are original sin incarnate, dancing in front of your face like drunken satyrs.
Quest for my blessing.
Kiss the tip, my bones, my black apprentice. Over and over and over. It is a barren, burning teat for you to suckle from and learn the secrets of The Empty.
You have obeyed well, boy, and for that I set aside an empty shoulder amongst the mass-grave your worship has dug.
Now repeat this oath, and be welcomed into the volcanic realm of salvaged flavor:
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During the manufacturing of sterling silver necklaces the pearl, the shell, the gem, the sterling silver seed beaded are commonly used by makers. Sterling silver necklaces are more than simple accessories. The sterling silver necklaces are accessible in the world in the broad variety of pattern and design. This is more helpful for the people who have the very conservative taste of jewelry. Sterling silver necklaces are the esteemed pieces of jewelry of every occasion. Everybody can Show off physically with a wonderful piece of sterling silver necklaces and make an eternal impression on others. Sterling silver necklaces are very popular for its stylish designs.
But let me get to my point: Ayn Rand is not a topic of conversation. Objectivism is not a topic of conversation. Okay, so she wrote a decent trilogy; we get it. This isn't college and that "philosophy" is stupid. So please, ladies, drop the female pride for Annie Randy. She done good, and we all know it.
You don't hear anyone talking about Ursula K. LeGuin's contributions to the philosophy of flying tigers, do you?
My lovely didn't look her typical lovely way on the stairs looking down over me sitting over Gertrude, who hadn't said a word since I emerged and rested her down with my upper back and shoulder muscles and ascoted her mouth with the ascot via my muscles that are typically quite impeccably toned but due to recent events such as my lovely's arrival and subsequent upstairs dormancy are not to impeccably toned, as it's become very difficult for me to even earn the money I so sorely need to entice such lovelies into their upstairs dormancy let alone find time to expand my deltoids vis å vis my training regimen. I do not know for sure what made that face on my lovely's face, but seeing the ascot stuffed deep in our neighbor's gob was my first guess. I grant that. It is rare, even for me, to see an ascot deep into anyone's throat, but I promised myself to promise her that I would make amends by taking her out for a treat to make certain she knew I would not fault her for any of this…
With our departed Gertrude not making amends I turned my attention to resuming where I left our flavorful naughtyparty, which in case you didn't know was not quite finished. It being a naughtyparty, that is, etymologically, a party best qualified by the number/non-number/entity zero, which as mathematicians will tell you, causes several additional problems when working out the party's primary purpose. I'll tell you from my experience that the number zero has very little to do with the party and is only brought up to appease the valedictorians of our audience who would be unsatisfied by being fed the simple colloquial definition of:
naughtyparty (n): any occasion involving two or more people without personal connection with the outside world over a period of at least eleven days.
It really doesn't need to be so specific.
I guess I'm proud to say my skills and dexterous handiwork exhibited in subduing Gertrude Stein's one true doppelganger saved me and replenished my lovely for the moment, though in all honesty, corpses really ruin all parties, not just naughtyparties. I asked my lovely what she felt and she shook her straight black explosive hair in an "I'm not very interested in talking" kind of face with her mouth opening into a large moaning O. It was bizarre to not hear what came out because she clearly was having a very hard time expressing herself and seemed to be trying excessively hard, but these noises were failing somewhere along their journey from her to me.
A PUZZLE WITH FORTY PIECES AND AT 3 FEET CAN SOMETIMES HAVE YOUR MIND ROLLING. AFTER GETTING THROUGH MY DAY LAST NIGHT I DECIDED TO GO FOR THE FIVE DOLLAR WOLVERINE COMIC PUZZLE. THERE WAS NO HELP AT HAND FOR THE FUN OF IT. ON A SIDE NOTE I FIGURED WITH THE INTELLIGENCE I HAVE I WOULD BE DONE THIS IN A MATTER OF NO TIME, I WAS COMPLETELY WRONG. JUST FOR A WORD OF ADVICE. " IF YOUR INTO PUZZLES KEEP YOUR GAME UP BECAUSE IF YOU SLACK, IT'S HARD COMING BACK INTO THE PUZZLE GAME". WHILE I WAS INTO THE PUZZLE I WAS WONDERING HOW COME MY PRE-SCHOOL TEACHERS DIDN'T PREACH THAT QUOTE I SHARED TO YOU GUYS. IT'S ALL GOOD THOUGH, AFTER COMPLETING THIS WOLVERINE PUZZLE MY PUZZLE GAME IS GOING STAY ON LOCK.
IN MY OPINION TUMBLR IS THE NEW BLOGGER FOR PICTURES NOTHING MORE OR LESS. TO ME , PICTURES SHOW UP SO CLEAR AND PUTS THAT EXTRA "UFF" INTO THEM MAKING EVERY PHOTO REACH IT'S HIGHEST PEEK OF QUALITY. NOTHING MORE TO SAY I AM A "TUMBLR SUFFER" AND I AM ADDICTED TO SURFING DIFFERENT TUMBLRS. BEING THAT MY BLOG HAS A DIFFERENT CONCEPT THAN TUMBLR EVERY WEEK I WILL POST SOME OF THE BEST PICTURES THAT HITS THE TUMBLR SCENE. AND IF YOU DIDN'T KNOW MTV HAS A "TRUE LIFE: I'M ADDICTED TO TUMBLR ADDICT" HEADED OUR WAY. SHOULD BE MAD FUNNY, BE SURE TO TUNE IN ON THAT EPISODE. THESE ARE MY TOP PICKS FOR THIS WEEK OFF OF SOME TUMBLRS I FEEL DEEPLY. THROUGH THESE PHOTOS YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO GET AN IDEA OF SOME OF THE ITEMS AND MOVEMENTS I'M IN THE LIKES OF. ALSO THE TYPE OF CHICKS I FUCK WITH. SHITS DOPE, CHECK OUT EVEY PHOTO PEOPLE. AND I KNOW THIS IS BLOGSPOT FOR YOU LOUD MOUTHS, I CAN CARE LESS WHAT YOU SAY BUZZ OFF CHUMPS.
