Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Ramen or Otherwise

I was a 20 year-old lifeguard during the summer while in college, and the pool allowed members to bring guests. One day, an unknown member brought two females close to me in age. During the aptly-named adult swim, these two girls were the only ones in the pool. I sat, literally being paid to watch the only two people in the pool. The girls proceeded to play-wrestle and get on each others' shoulders, and I had to politely tell them that horseplay was not allowed. At this point, one of the girls starts swimming around (poorly) while her friend looks up at me and says, "You know, my friend is a champion breaststroker."
"I don't believe you." I replied, more perturbed than anything else at their gleeful ignorance of the rules I had to enforce. They were playing "Cool Hand" Luke Jackson to my steely aviator-clad Man With No Eyes stare. With that, the swimming girl rolls onto her back with her bikini top pulled off to the sides, essentially flashing me while she does backstroke. She and her friend laugh as she asks me what I think of her breaststroke. I say nothing, bewildered as to how no other patron sees this happen. I stare helplessly up at the office where my manager sits, oblivious.

Bikini back in place, she then proceeded to bring flotation devices(including a large, phallic, "wacky noodle") made of foam into the pool during adult swim, which was forbidden. Exasperated, amused/aroused, and not wanting to get canned, I tell them they can not have flotation devices in the pool during adult swim. To which the one who had exposed herself to me (now perched atop the wacky noodle with it poking lewdly out of the water) winked and said;
"What, no noodles in the wet?"