PICKLE: Good morning!
No response, as the EXAMINER fusses with some paper work.
PICKLE: Sure is hot, huh? Boy... How are you today?
No response.
PICKLE: How has your day been so f--
EXAMINER: Get in the car.
They get into the car, PICKLE on the driver's side, EXAMINER in the passenger side.
PICKLE: Here's my permit and paperwork.
The EXAMINER takes them silently. Farts. Looks up embarrassedly. Grins. Farts again.
PICKLE: Well, this is nice.
EXAMINER: (quietly) There is no way I'm going to pass you.
PICKLE: What?
EXAMINER: Turn on the car.
PICKLE: No, wait, what did you just say?
EXAMINER: Turn on the car, sir.
PICKLE: No, before that.
EXAMINER: Sir, if you do not turn on the car and pull out, I will terminate this examination.
PICKLE: Okay. Right on.
They pull out of the spot and get going.
EXAMINER: (just as they reach a corner) Make a right turn here.
PICKLE slows down sharply to make the turn.
EXAMINER: Sir! Slow down.
PICKLE: Could you please tell me when to turn a little earlier? So I have time to signal and
stuff? And so I know where I'm going? And so... I'm failing, aren't I?
EXAMINER: You betcha.
PICKLE: Well. This is nice.
They drive on.
EXAMINER: Parallel park here behind this SUV.
PICKLE does so, impeccably, he might add.
EXAMINER: Fine. Whatever. Pull out.
PICKLE: That's what she said.
EXAMINER: Ten points off. For failing to illicit a laugh with a stupid joke.
PICKLE: Well. This is nice.
They pull out. They drive and eventually get back to the test site.
EXAMINER: Guess what?
PICKLE: I failed?
EXAMINER: (cheerily) Yep!
PICKLE: Great. This was fun. Let's do it again some time.
EXAMINER: Good luck.
PICKLE: Go fuck yourself.
PICKLE throws the old man out of the moving car and heads South to Mexico.
Curtain
I also hit two small children and ran over a puppy. But it was mostly the examiner.