At last, my friends, we can rest. Today, on America Day, at our nation's greatest reiteration of global dominance, New York's finest nabbed one of the key players in the global criminal underworld: the chameleon: Kobayashi. Just after Joey Chestnut, DDS, took home his hundredth 7/4 title, the venemous Kobayashi crawled out from his mustardy hiding place to make some kind of point about his inclusion. Officer Thuman, who assisted with the arrest, appeared baffled at finding his "biggest catch" appear right in front of his booze-blurred eyes. "The choke hold hasn't come in handy in quite some time. I guess I still got my chops."
Cultured readers may recall K-'s involvement in a variety of mysterious crimes, including a $91 million deal for "dope that wasn't there". A film adaptation of the famous crime was conceived, written and performed by
Police plan to investigate why, of all places, Kobayashi chose the annual America Independence Day Gastrothon for his reemergence. Thuman, regardless, has taken it a little personally. "He's doin' fine. Marcucci's preppin about 200 dogs on the roof as we speak, and wah gonna show dis f@*# whyda NYPD's got banned from dat hotdog contest too."
Agent Kujan offered no comment on the situation.